The doorknob begins to twist and turn. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see my three-year-old pushing the door open. Quickly, I click off the video on my meeting, make sure I'm on mute, and listen as my daughter - dramatic, exasperated - tells me that her Netflix show isn't working. This is the beginning of my day...
We're all facing the new normal of working from home during the COVID-19 pandemic. As a working mom, that means that I'm also working from home - with two kids, all day long, every day. It's a challenging time and is testing everything I know about multitasking (one of the traits that I usually excel in).
Let me say that I'm not an expert in the field of medicine, psychology, or even organization.
What I am is a working mom with almost 12 years of mom experience and 20 years of working adult experience. Using the knowledge and experience that I've gained over the years, plus research by some actual experts, I have come up with a list of 8 tips that I hope will help make your day a little easier, or at least reassure you that you're not alone.
With that said, here we go:
1. Make a daily plan
Not just for your kids but yourself as well. Maybe it's a post-it note with your to-do list for the day. I'm one of those people who love lists and, even more than that, I love to check things off of a list. It could be a new note on your phone or something as organized as a family schedule on a chalkboard in your kitchen.
A few weeks into quarantine, I decided that I needed a schedule for my kids’ day, too. They were used to the daily schedules of school and daycare already. Everything I have ever read on this subject states that kids thrive when they have a schedule.
To help create some sense of normalcy, I created a schedule resembling a school schedule that encompasses my entire workday. Our daily schedule includes times for play, outside, reading, TV/iPad, snacks, and lunch. Feel free to avoid recreating the wheel and just use my template:
It might seem a little silly to those of you who operate in a more "go with the flow" mode, but for my sanity, I have to know what's coming next. And, let's be honest, this is a way for me to also help track how much screen time I'm actually allowing my kids.
2. Take at least two 15-20 minute breaks during the day
In our daily schedule, I have allotted two snack breaks for my kids. Unless I have a meeting during that time and need to adjust, I like to pop downstairs, check in with my girls, and get their snacks. Sometimes we're even able to have our snack on the front porch, which helps add a change of scenery to the day for all of us. I also use this time to take our dog out. Yes, we have a very senior dog (17!) that had a change in habits during quarantine and can no longer hold her bladder for 8-10 hours.
3. Take your lunch - the whole hour
I don't know about you, but by noon, I'm hungry, my kids are hungry ("starving!", they like to say), and we all just need a break. Maybe it's just me and I'm super slow at the process of making lunches and then cleaning up, but it literally takes me about the whole hour to get my girls to tell me what they want to each, make the lunches, clean up the dishes and take our sweet old dog out again. Even though this time isn't what I would call a "break" for me, it's nice to be able to sit and have lunch with my kids.
4. Expect to be interrupted - and put a positive spin on it
You will be interrupted. It may be when you’re writing...perhaps even a blog article. (Ahem!)
Okay, I'm back now.
You may get interrupted when you’re putting together an executive deck, writing code, or running a report. It will definitely happen when you're on camera in the middle of a meeting, most likely when you're the host of that meeting.
So, be prepared. I always try to make sure my kids are set up with an activity (and yes, that includes a TV show) before a video conference. Sometimes this works and sometimes my younger daughter isn't concerned about the fact that mom's office door is closed and should only be opened in the case of an emergency...because to her, Netflix pausing her show or her sister not wanting to play with her are emergencies.
Either way, have a plan for how you'll handle this. For me, I cut the camera off if I'm just a meeting attendee. If I'm hosting the meeting, I'll cut the camera while simultaneously asking my fellow human beings to hold on for just a second. I try to insert a laugh or two in there, too.
Just last week this happened to me. I was hosting a video meeting, and I heard the twisting and turning of the office room doorknob. My younger daughter appeared and announced that she had to go potty and needed help. Fortunately, it was a quick bathroom break for her and an understanding group of co-workers on the other end of the video for me. We laughed and commiserated for a couple minutes, then proceeded on with the meeting. At the end of the day, you're doing the best that you can. We all need to be kind and stick together on this.
5. Invest in some educational apps or a subscription service
Initially, I was not going to do this because I didn't think we needed to spend the money on something that could be seen as trivial or unnecessary during a pandemic. However, with my husband still going into his office and me both working and watching our kids, I quickly realized that it would benefit everyone (especially me!).
I ended up choosing a two-month trial for ABC Mouse for $5 to make sure my younger daughter liked it. She loves it, so once the trial is up, we'll subscribe at least until the quarantine is over.
For my older daughter, we subscribed to Raddish Kids cooking. We were gifted a two-month subscription to this a year or two ago and then just let it lapse. When I was wracking my brain about something non-electronic for my tween, this popped into mind. We signed up for a six-month subscription, and so far we are eating well and, best of all, my daughter is learning how to cook. Win-win!
I'm not sure what will work for you and your kids, but if you can afford it or can find a good free app or a free trial, I think investing in something for each child helps to give their day some variety. Maybe you'll expand their interests, too.
6. Pick a time to end your workday - and actually do it
Working from home, in my opinion, is great: no commute, comfortable clothing, and saving money on gas, car wear and tear, lunches out, and morning coffee. But, WFH can also mean putting in longer hours. Sometimes it's necessary, but it can quickly become a habit or even an expectation. So...I think you need to pick a time that your workday ends and then actually shut down your computer at that time (and your work email if it's on your phone too). This will help you form boundaries and, hopefully, give you more of a work/life balance. This will help your kids to see a light at the end of your workday tunnel, too.
7. Have an after-work plan and let your kids in on it
Your kids are likely to just be hanging out with each other during the day. Like me, you're probably letting the older kids hang out virtually with friends during the day. But, of course, that's not a substitute for face-to-face interaction and, if they're like my tween, they're missing their friends and thinking that life isn't fair right now.
While you can't take that completely away, having something to do at least some days gives them something to look forward to. Maybe it's picking up curbside ice cream every Thursday afternoon, going on daily walks, or surprising them with a late afternoon swim at your neighborhood pool. I've ordered a few packs of water balloons and plan on spending a couple of afternoons having surprise water balloon fights. We've also ordered some Sculpey clay so we can make and bake some fun art. The American Academy of Pediatrics has some great additional ideas, specifically focused on outside time for those sunny afternoons.
Once you've decided on some ideas, let your kids in on the plan (and maybe keep one or two as a surprise!). Again, this goes along with the common theme that having something to look forward to gets everyone through the day and possibly even adds some excitement.
8. Throw any expectations of a clean house out the window
Kidding. Kind of.
I like to have a clean, organized house. But I will tell you, as a working mom with 2 kids during quarantine, I have had to adjust my expectations. I think picking up toys before you move to the next activity makes sense, but most nights our playroom looks like this.
Actual picture of our playroom right now.
And I'm okay with it. We clean it up once or twice a week now - same with the kids' bedrooms. All of this time at home has allowed us to figure out what toys the kids want and to purge and donate those that they don't. Once we purge enough toys, I'm thinking that our playroom may have an actual chance at being clean.
In the end...
Working from home with kids and a quarantine is challenging. But, it's also a time that we can slow down and spend more time with each other. I think this will ultimately build strong bonds between family members, but it's not always easy in the moment. Whatever ideas you can think of, whatever special things you can do, you're doing your absolute best. You're not alone. And one day, you'll be able to fondly look back on these memories when this quarantine is behind us.
Just a note: I'm not paid for mentioning any of the companies above. I'm just sharing what I did for my kids.
For more parenting while WFH tips, check out resources from the American Academy of Pediatrics.
What tips or ideas do you have? Comment below, and let's have a conversation!